So, it's been how long? A year now that I'm back on my blog. It's been a while...lol can't remember how long its been. Gosh, reading my last post brings lots of memories back. Well, new updates. After that, they started going out. They seem pretty happy. Well, for me? Maybe, but they went out for almost a year...maybe 8 or 9 months. But I don't know, they said that they broke up like...this month. Lol, but she's still confused and doesn't want to let go. I know she doesn't. She's too deep in love that he's not the one she "needs" Watching their relationship made me see him in a different way.

He's not the same guy that I once loved. And he's also changed. He now has one girl, girlfriend, well an ex. But he's not very smart when coming to relationship, and I don't think he learned a lot as well. But, I think that the two had lots of obstable and learns lots of things. Well, I don't love him anymore. I still like him, but not in the way that I once used to "like" him. He doesn't give me that feeling anymore. The "special" feeling and I don't feel like I used to when I'm with him. Rather, more like annoyed. But not in a bad way. Lol.

I'm treating him more of a friend now because...that's what we are. :) We're friends and will stay that way. I don't think he would treat me any better than he treated my friend. Not that he treated her bad, but he did. Only because he was not experienced with relationships. I'm a little experienced, but I haven't had a boyfriend in real life. A few times online but that's about it. And that was a long time ago. My experience is mostly throught pain and one sided at times.

But I do wish that I didn't experience all these pain. But it's a good thing as well because I am more mature and see the world better. I'm not bragging or anything, just saying my thoughts and how I feel. This is my blog right? Yes. :) I don't know if anyone reads this or not but to anyone who does, thanks for your time.

Hmm, but at the moment, I'm dealing with a bit of a emotion. This story comes with me as a little girl and someone I've known as a little girl. This person is my uncle....I love him a lot. He's like another dad to me...actually...he feels like real dad. My dad doesn't have such a good relationship with me...but lately...it's okay...better than usual. My uncle, who I admire the most and respect so dearly as failed me....and hurts me so much. I don't know why he's doing such actions....

He wants to move away, sure, it's not a bad thing or you may think I'm over exagerrating but I'm not. He doesn't love my aunty and my aunty ran away once. He does things and doesn't even give a notice to my aunt. He lends $40,000 to his relative but he wouldn't put any money under my aunty family when they die. Okay? Yeah, confusing? Pretty much cause I'm not saying much either.

It's just...I really love my uncle. He's like my dad. He's like...my hero almost but he seems to be falling under the same category as other men who cheats on their wife or does bad things. So what? The world does it? Okay, I can give a fuck if I want to. So please, just keep reading. And so, he doesn't love my aunty and he wants to do these things that are out of question. Me, respecting him a lot, I don't know. It hurts me so much that I can't even cry.

I want to cry so that all these pain can be poured out but instead, it's suffocating me like this heavy feeling on my chest. I don't know what to do. He's my uncle, an important person, and special..but I don't know...his intentions are good or bad..who knows...I feel awkward towards him now. I still love him but it hurts.

The uncle I once knew, is completely gone. Gone. I really miss him....

- Rain
3/12/12